YES — If casual sex is a form of self-harm, it’s one done with an internal fetish and one that’s been normalized through the years. It’s a thing you’re addicted to, and it’s not good for your mental health, especially if you end up sleeping with someone you’re not genuinely interested in, or who actually treats you badly.
NO — Casual sex can also have great benefits. It might not change your life, but it does teach you a lot about sex, and how you should be able to treat a woman. A great way to understand your own sexuality and enhance it. (Unfortunately, the abundance of porn makes casual sex seem like a trend, which it is not, but the Internet does make it appear so, and other popular culture products exist in parallel.)
YES — Casual sex allows you to disconnect your emotions, which is great if you’re a person who needs to be alone to work, or if you just don’t want to know anyone’s life. If you don’t want to date anyone, or see any long-term benefit, then casual sex is great for you. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to limit yourself to only one person, but having sex doesn’t necessarily mean you have to lose yourself in it or desire it as much as the guy in the porn.
NO — If you’re more for seeing a potential long-term relationship in your new partner, then having casual sex with someone you’re only meeting because of a casual hookup app (or even in a bar) can create issues for both of you. Especially if you’re both unclear about what you want right now or what you want in the future. And if you’re in a long-term relationship, you’re not supposed to have hookups with someone you’re not completely into. So much for stability.
But sometimes that’s how it works in real life. You meet someone new, just from a physical attraction, or at least a sort of connection, or maybe even you just liked the way he looked in a bar, but you sort of just knew there was a chance you’d start something together. Just because he’s not your type at first, doesn’t mean he’s not ever your type.
Think of it like being in a long-term relationship. If you meet someone new, and they don’t feel like home, you don’t have to stay with them. It’s not necessarily a bad thing to still think of them as someone you were interested in, or someone you
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Couple that with a culture of casual hookups, the uncoupling of casual sex from romance, and our TV shows and novels being full of hookups with no clear resolution whatsoever, and it’s actually pretty easy to see how the whirlwind of casual sex culture might leave you feeling guilty. It’s easy to imagine that with a little research, you could avoid any feelings of let down or guilt. That’s what we mean by “it’s not good, but it’s not bad” — it’s hard to think of yourself as being “abusive” when “it’s just sex,” right?
So in looking at the reasons why casual sex is often stigmatized, the “but it’s not bad!” argument stands, but research suggests you should handle casual sex responsibly, as well. It’s good to be smart about it, and you can do it as safely as any relationship. The point is that it’s not supposed to be easy; it’s a lot more fun to have a structured sexual relationship with a steady, regular partner.
Exploring your limits about hooking up — and sex in general — is a good idea if you want to feel good about your body and sexuality, since it isn’t any one thing that you’re doing that causes you to feel bad about yourself.
The Media: Casual Sex Culture and Hookups
media culture has exacerbated the casual sex stigma by perpetuating the notion that casual sex is something to be ashamed of and that you are morally deficient for engaging in it. Viewers of pornography are stigmatized as being sexually deviant because their behavior conforms to the “keep-it-super-casual” mentality of hookup culture. In general, media sources have characterized casual sex as unnatural, shameful, and which should be avoided — a source of both embarrassment for most people, and a source of pity. The media sends a clear message that “casual sex” is something to avoid, putting to shame anyone who does indulge in casual sex.
The advent of the internet makes this even easier. Hookup culture has fueled a rise of the casual sex app as well as the casual fling (which is getting its own book soon!). These apps are being touted as convenient, as they can be used to connect with people to have casual sex. But, these apps often lack transparency and conduct.
Naked, or is it?
For starters, a casual sex culture isn’t always naked — you can have several different types of relationships. Casual hookups usually have three
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